1, Sexual Frequency
A Samoan and an Australian were seated next to a Kiwi
on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men
began discussing their home lives.
"Last night, I made sex to my wife four times," the
Samoan bragged, "and this morning she cooked me taros in cream and
she told me how much she luff me."
"Yeah mate, last night I shagged my missus six times," the
Aussie responded, "and this morning she fried me up an awesome BBQ
and told me she could never love another man."
When the New Zealander remained silent, the Samoan smugly
asked, "And how many times did you make sex to your
wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Aussie arrogantly snorted. "And what
did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."
2,One days Sione was cudding da grass with his
> sapelu, when all of a sutten da ampulance went
> going by. Sione straight aways dropped his sapelu
> and run after da ampulance. Da ampulance driver
> look to his side mirror and see a man in a
> lavalava running after him. Afraids very much for
> his livings, becos he was in Compton, da ampulance
> driver stepped on da alternators.
> His ampulance go very, very fast, but this did not
> put Sione off, it make him more determines. So
> runnings faster and faster, Sione lose one
> jandals, but he keep runnings, Sione's lavalava
> starting to falling downs but he keep runnings.
> Da ampulance driver looks to da side mirror and he
> is amazing dat da man wiff da falling down
> lavalava and one jandals is not giving up da
> chasing. Concerndings, da ampulance driver
> finkings to himself, maybe he needs for me to go
> to picking up a sick persons in Otara's and he can
> show me da house. Sione, was feeling very happys
> when he see the ampulance was stoppings for him.
> About 20 minutes later, Sione gets up to da
> ampulance. The ampulance driver openings da backs
> door and sayings to Sione,
> "What is da matters? Can I help out?".
> Sione with his hands on his knees, buffing like a
> long, long times, puts his hand ups in da airs to
> say to da ampulance drivers to waiting your
moments. Wiff his preaths back, Sione looks at da
ampulance drivers and says
"Can I pliss have one snow-cone wiff da chocolate
flakes?"
3,The Speeding Alibi
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got caught Drunk in
Charge
Officer: May I see the logbook and insurance for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the logbook
in
the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman
who
owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.
Officer: There's a BODY in the boot?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was
quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to
handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the logbook and insurance.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a
gun
in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a
body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told
him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox,
and
that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
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